Dear Husband - Do You Really Want To Raise Our Daughters in This?
And if so, do you know what you're actually raising them in?
Dear Husband,
Since you are now the only parent in the church for our daughters, I wanted to write this letter to you. We were blessed with two smart, caring and observant daughters. One of which has already begun asking “why can’t I pass the sacrament?” and “why can’t a woman be bishop?”.
At the age of 8 she has noticed the lack of female presence in positions where decisions are being made that impact her directly.
She has noticed the lack of female presence in roles that are dictated solely by the participants gender and not any doctrinal basis.
And she’s not alone. In this last year alone you have watched as a man spoke to women for close to two hours in a women’s conference about how to be a woman in the church.
You have seen as I was told I could not conduct (say who will be praying and speaking) at my own daughter’s baptism and the reason being was “it’s just a priesthood thing”. You sat there as I asked a bishop why a woman or even non-member father cannot hold their baby for a blessing and was told “it's up to my discretion” and then admit “it’s policy not doctrine”.
A decade ago you sat and listened as I took out my endowments and was told that I could only covenant with the Lord through you.
This letter is not a “give women the priesthood” or “make women prophets” instead is a “this is the environment your daughters will be subjected to if they decide to participate in this organization” letter.
They deserve to know that you understand and see their struggles and that you, a male who is listened to and taken seriously, are their advocate and are constantly asking and looking for ways to improve their experience.
This is what current church worship looks to our daughters on any given Sunday:
They go to church and without fail sitting on the stand are at least three men. These men will state who will be praying, speaking and what song will be sung.
They will watch as a woman may speak but a man will always close the meeting by giving a talk after her. They will watch as boys pass the sacrament. As it stands right now a woman is not needed for any church services to take place.
Should all women choose to stay home-the meetings would continue as normal. Would that be the case if every man stayed home?
This could look very different without any doctrine changes:
Our daughters could walk in and see both the bishop AND the relief society president sitting on the stand.
They could see both young men AND young women preparing the sacrament table (girls were allowed to participate during WWII when men were off at war). They could see young men AND young women passing the sacrament.
They could even see an entire sacrament meeting (talks, musical numbers, etc) given by all women and NONE of that would require the doctrine to change.
A typical baptism right now looks like:
A man stands in front of the attendees and says what song will be sung, who will pray, who will speak. She will watch a man baptize a child, she will watch a group of men confirm the child.
She may hear a woman speak and up until just a few years ago she would only see men standing at the font being witnesses.
Right now an 8 year old boy has equal power and authority his mother, aunt, grandmother, etc.as he can stand and be a witness just like a 90 year old woman can.
This could look very different without any doctrine changes:
Her mother could stand and welcome everyone to the service. Her mother could conduct the program. A man would still baptize and confirm but women could stand and be witnesses at the font. All of these things could happen without any doctrinal changes.
As she turns 12 this is her world:
In the year she turns 12 she will watch as boys her age are sustained to offices of “deacons”, “teachers”, “priests”. She will watch as they advance and are recognized in front of the congregation and yet she just becomes a “young woman” and may not even be acknowledged by her bishop.
She will watch these boys who are the same age advance farther than she ever can simply because they are “men”. They will watch as their male friends progress and yet our daughters are simply taught that “they can be mothers one day” or that “they hold the priesthood, they just cannot use it”.
Meanwhile men can also be fathers and hold the priesthood but thats what awaits our daughters should they continue attending church.
This could look very different without any doctrinal changes:
In the year she turns 12, she can be acknowledged just like her male counterparts. She can stop hearing lessons and short quips that men and women are just different but she will get to have kids and that is why she cannot have the priesthood.
Should she decide to serve a mission this is her world:
She will go on a mission, discover a family or young woman wanting to hear the gospel. She will do all the leg work and all the work to bring this soul to the gospel and yet she will have to abruptly turn it over to a male to conduct an interview.
This could look very different without any doctrinal changes:
She could teach and interview and prepare this young woman or family for baptism. That could change without any doctrinal changes taking place.
She may decide to have a family. Right now if she were to have a baby:
She would bring beautiful life into the world. And then one sunday her baby will be held by its father and a group of men as they say a blessing and a young man (at least 12 years old) holds a microphone.
This could all change without any doctrinal changes:
She as the child’s mother could sit in the circle and hold the baby as the men circle around and give the baby a blessing. A young man or young woman could hold the microphone as the baby is blessed.
Every 6 months she will listen to a general conference.
The last two conferences had 94% and 91% respectively male speakers. In a church where more than half their membership is female or children, she constantly is being talked to, taught and instructed by men.
She then hears quips like “bathroom break” or sees tiny signals that show that a female speaking is not nearly as important as what a man has to say. Would you sit and listen to women talk to you for 10+ hours every 6 months?
This could easily be changed without any doctrinal changes:
Every woman in general presidency callings should speak and that percentage would be 29% female to 71% male.
Should she accept a calling:
Right now she can be over women and children but boys and men age 12+ have more authority than she does. Should she want to plan an activity: she has to get a male’s approval.
Should be inspired to change ministering routes: she needs to get a man’s approval.
Should she want to budget or create a food order for a family in need: male’s approval.
She is called to this position under the pretense that God called her there yet she cannot do what God needs her to do because everything must be approved by a mortal man.
Every lesson, every activity, every decision she feels inspired to do as she communes with God for revelation on how to do her calling can easily be vetoed by a man.
This could all change without any doctrinal changes by simply allowing her to govern herself and exercise the authority she was called and set apart with.
The church could look so different, without any doctrinal changes, for our daughters and yet nothing does change.
Any measly crumbs we are given are instantly snatched away when men feel that women are looking too comfortable.
Take for example a stake who for over 30 years had their relief society presidents sit on the stand next to the bishop so that she could look over the women she is responsible for. A few short months ago the leaders of the church demanded that practice be halted.
She will grow up in a church that touts that she is worth just as much as men are worth.
Yet she will see women being last to be considered, she will see herself being overlooked, overruled and overstepped by men.
And yet privately as she reads her bible she will read as Christ was joined first by women, resurrected Christ was testified of first by women.
Christ’s first miracle was healing a woman YET she will not see his example and words in a church that proclaims to be his church. She is constantly being told she’s equal and God sees her as just as important yet actions and policies state otherwise.
So I ask sincerely, you want to raise our daughters in this but do you know what you’re actually raising them in? And if yes, what are you going to do to have actions and policies match not only the words of prophets but also the example of God?
Follow the author of this article at Generations Lost
